Why I heart flying!

I saw a friends status update on Facebook yesterday complaining about how he was about to get on a flight and there were hoards of kids waiting to get on with him. He wasn’t looking forward to it but it had a happy ending – he got a row to himself!

I commented on his update and it gave me an idea for this post. I’ve had a fair few flights over the years, some have been fantastic and one or two have been comedy flights to say the least so here are my top 3 ‘comedy’ flight experiences.

Oops, butter fingers.

Our last trip to San Francisco was the break of a holiday drought. We hadn’t been in a few years and I’d been working my fingers to the bone before it so when the drinks trolley came round I was more than receptive to a few glasses (read: small bottles) after a few glasses we got a beer because it was still early on a very long flight. Approximately two sips in I moved in my seat, caught my hand on the (stupid, flimsy, little) table and promptly threw a ull glass over beer over the Fiance’s crotch.

It was hilarious.

I laughed and laughed and laughed then I looked at his face then I laughed and laughed and laughed.

The people next to him looked on horrified and I continued to find his lovely but grumpy face the funniest thing I had seen in a long time. We arrived in San Fran around 12 hours later and the Fiance had to squelch off the plane with a still damp crotch and it’s probably fair to say I was still sniggering about it. Well…it would be fair to say I’m STILL sniggering about it now as I type.

Awwww, i’nt he cute?

One one of my flights to Toronto I was a little nervous, it was my first big holiday without the Fiance and I was nervous about being on my own. When I took my seat I looked at my neighbour and thought two things :

1) It’s a woman – this is good
2)What a cute looking wee boy she has with her

Approximately 30 seconds later I was eating my words. The kid began to kick me on the leg from the minute I sat down. This then progressed to kicking me full whack in the side and kicking the back of the seat (so the entire row was jiggling about). I looked at the mother imploringly (waaaay more than once) and made a few ‘oops he slipped and kicked me’ comments while she looked on lovingly telling me how cute this was “isn’t he cute?” No.

It was a seven hour flight and the kicking finally stopped when we came in for land and he got scared (I was laughing at this internally!)

I get scared but it’ll be fine – I promise

On another trip I went on holiday with a friend. I had no idea whatsoever that she was scared of flying…on the way over we got to the airport and had time to share a bottle of wine before take off. The flight was perfectly calm and was over in record time. On the way home there was no wine. The flight was a Little bumpy and lasted forever.

My friend ended up in tears at one point (I never know what to do when someone cries so I just kind of watched her a bit)  then she started to hyper ventilate. The rest of the flight was spent with an air-hostess sitting beside her saying soothing things while I just sat and watched thinking ‘must talk…must say something soothing’ over and over.

I never ever did say anything helpful.